Long Island Noir Read online

  This collection is comprised of works of fiction. All names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the authors’ imaginations. Any resemblance to real events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Published by Akashic Books

  ©2012 Akashic Books

  Series concept by Tim McLoughlin and Johnny Temple

  Long Island map by Aaron Petrovich

  “Boob Noir” ©2012 Jules Feiffer; “Summer Love” ©2012 JZ Holden

  eISBN-13: 978-1-61775-115-8

  ISBN-13: 978-1-61775-062-5

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2011943446

  All rights reserved

  First printing

  Akashic Books

  PO Box 1456

  New York, NY 10009

  [email protected]

  www.akashicbooks.com

  ALSO IN THE AKASHIC NOIR SERIES:

  Baltimore Noir, edited by Laura Lippman

  Barcelona Noir (Spain), edited by Adriana V. López & Carmen Ospina

  Boston Noir, edited by Dennis Lehane

  Bronx Noir, edited by S.J. Rozan

  Brooklyn Noir, edited by Tim McLoughlin

  Brooklyn Noir 2: The Classics, edited by Tim McLoughlin

  Brooklyn Noir 3: Nothing but the Truth edited by Tim McLoughlin & Thomas Adcock

  Cape Cod Noir, edited by David L. Ulin

  Chicago Noir, edited by Neal Pollack

  Copenhagen Noir (Denmark), edited by Bo Tao Michaëlis

  D.C. Noir, edited by George Pelecanos

  D.C. Noir 2: The Classics, edited by George Pelecanos

  Delhi Noir (India), edited by Hirsh Sawhney

  Detroit Noir, edited by E.J. Olsen & John C. Hocking

  Dublin Noir (Ireland), edited by Ken Bruen

  Haiti Noir, edited by Edwidge Danticat

  Havana Noir (Cuba), edited by Achy Obejas

  Indian Country Noir, edited by Sarah Cortez & Liz Martínez

  Istanbul Noir (Turkey), edited by Mustafa Ziyalan & Amy Spangler

  Las Vegas Noir, edited by Jarret Keene & Todd James Pierce

  London Noir (England), edited by Cathi Unsworth

  Lone Star Noir, edited by Bobby Byrd & Johnny Byrd

  Los Angeles Noir, edited by Denise Hamilton

  Los Angeles Noir 2: The Classics, edited by Denise Hamilton

  Manhattan Noir, edited by Lawrence Block

  Manhattan Noir 2: The Classics, edited by Lawrence Block

  Mexico City Noir (Mexico), edited by Paco I. Taibo II

  Miami Noir, edited by Les Standiford

  Moscow Noir (Russia), edited by Natalia Smirnova & Julia Goumen

  Mumbai Noir (India), edited by Altaf Tyrewala

  New Jersey Noir, edited by Joyce Carol Oates

  New Orleans Noir, edited by Julie Smith

  Orange County Noir, edited by Gary Phillips

  Paris Noir (France), edited by Aurélien Masson

  Philadelphia Noir, edited by Carlin Romano

  Phoenix Noir, edited by Patrick Millikin

  Pittsburgh Noir, edited by Kathleen George

  Portland Noir, edited by Kevin Sampsell

  Queens Noir, edited by Robert Knightly

  Richmond Noir, edited by Andrew Blossom, Brian Castleberry & Tom De Haven

  Rome Noir (Italy), edited by Chiara Stangalino & Maxim Jakubowski

  San Diego Noir, edited by Maryelizabeth Hart

  San Francisco Noir, edited by Peter Maravelis

  San Francisco Noir 2: The Classics, edited by Peter Maravelis

  Seattle Noir, edited by Curt Colbert

  Toronto Noir (Canada), edited by Janine Armin & Nathaniel G. Moore

  Trinidad Noir, edited by Lisa Allen-Agostini & Jeanne Mason

  Twin Cities Noir, edited by Julie Schaper & Steven Horwitz

  Wall Street Noir, edited by Peter Spiegelman

  FORTHCOMING:

  Bogotá Noir (Colombia), edited by Andrea Montejo

  Buffalo Noir, edited by Brigid Hughes & Ed Park

  Jerusalem Noir, edited by Sayed Kashua

  Kansas City Noir, edited by Steve Paul

  Lagos Noir (Nigeria), edited by Chris Abani

  Manila Noir (Philippines), edited by Jessica Hagedorn

  St. Petersburg Noir (Russia), edited by Natalia Smirnova & Julia Goumen

  Seoul Noir (Korea), edited by BS Publishing Co.

  Staten Island Noir, edited by Patricia Smith

  Venice Noir (Italy), edited by Maxim Jakubowski

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Introduction

  PART I: FAMILY VALUES

  MATTHEW MCGEVNA

  Mastic Beach

  Gateway to the Stars

  NICK MAMATAS

  Northport

  Thy Shiny Car in the Night

  KAYLIE JONES

  Wainscott

  Home Invasion

  QANTA AHMED, MD

  Garden City

  Anjali’s America

  PART II: HITTING IT BIG

  CHARLES SALZBERG

  Long Beach

  A Starr Burns Bright

  REED FARREL COLEMAN

  Selden

  Mastermind

  TIM MCLOUGHLIN

  Wantagh

  Seven Eleven

  SARAH WEINMAN

  Great Neck

  Past President

  PART III: LOVE AND OTHER HORRORS

  JULES FEIFFER

  Southampton

  Boob Noir

  JZ HOLDEN

  Sagaponack

  Summer Love

  RICHIE NARVAEZ

  Stony Brook

  Ending in Paumanok

  SHEILA KOHLER

  Amagansett

  Terror

  JANE CIABATTARI

  Sag Harbor

  Contents of House

  PART IV: AMERICAN DREAMERS

  STEVEN WISHNIA

  Lake Ronkonkoma

  Semiconscious

  KENNETH WISHNIA

  Port Jefferson Station

  Blood Drive

  AMANI SCIPIO

  Bridgehampton

  Jabo’s

  TIM TOMLINSON

  Wading River

  Snow Job

  About the Contributors

  INTRODUCTION

  A NEW KIND OF GREEDY TENSION

  Summers in the Hamptons were always wild and crazy, even in the late ’70s when my family moved out east to Sagaponack. On the weekends in July and August the crowds would surge in from up the island and the city, and the bars, restaurants, and beaches were abuzz with an easygoing excitement rife with possibility. But as the Hamptons became more popular with a richer crowd—Hollywood stars, financial magnates, even politicians—a new kind of greedy tension filled the air, and even the locals were infected. Once, when I was out visiting my mother, I overheard a guy I’d known in high school, a builder, telling people at a bar that last year he’d put in a brand-new brick deck for this CEO prick’s wife, but this year the guy’s new girlfriend wanted to make a statement, so she told the builder to tear out the bricks and put in a cedar deck instead. “I told her $150,000,” he laughed. “She didn’t blink an eye.” Then he tried to sell us the bricks.

  Pretty soon the fields in Sagaponack were gone, replaced by mansions, each one bigger than the last, as if it were some kind of pumpkin-growing contest. And still, no one seemed content; not on the beach, where mobile phones were constantly ringing; not in line at the supermarket or outside the nightclubs; and certainly not stopped dead in stultifying midday traffic. Well, it’s still traffic, whether you’re in a Mercedes-Benz or a Honda Civic. Now, the truly rich fly out in private planes, adding to the general r
acket.

  It’s almost as if the whole world has caught Gatsbyitis. And what an amazing, prescient book that was. The Great Gatsby could be seen as the first noir novel of Long Island—a poor boy who doesn’t have two cents to rub together falls for a rich girl who would never marry him. So he makes himself a massive fortune the only way he can—illegally. And buys himself a mansion on Long Island. Despite his fortune he is never truly accepted, never truly safe, comfortable, or content. And of course, she leaves him because he’ll never be part of her set.

  F. Scott Fitzgerald’s mansions of Great Neck and Little Neck are still there, lording imposingly over their lesser neighbors. The American dream of suburban bliss has never died, only grown more desperate, more materialistic, and less romantic as it has shoved its way further east, until now there is literally nowhere left to go. The Hamptons I knew and loved are gone forever.

  The most die-hard fans of noir fiction may find a few of these stories a little gris. Not everyone here is literally down and out, though spiritually, they’ll give you a run for your money. A wealthy grandmother abandons her young grandson on a public beach in a moment of rage, putting his life in danger. A Northport hood is willing to murder his own brother for ratting out the local mob. An upper-class Pakistani woman almost dies in childbirth, a victim of severe marital abuse, yet she refuses to speak out. The president of a wealthy synagogue robs his donors blind in a ponzi scheme, including his staunchest supporter, a Holocaust survivor. They are all characters driven by some twisted notion of the American Dream, which they feel they must achieve at any cost. This is real-life noir. These people are our neighbors.

  * * *

  I heard this story at a dinner party once. Kurt Vonnegut, who lived on our street in Sagaponack and was a family friend I wish I’d known better, was invited to a summer cocktail party at the Hamptons home of some billionaire CEO. At the party, someone asked Kurt, “How does it feel to know this guy makes more money in a day than you will ever make in your lifetime?” After a moment, Kurt responded calmly that he didn’t mind at all, because he had something the CEO would never have.

  “What’s that?” the person challenged.

  “Enough.”

  These are stories about people who will never feel they have enough, whether they have everything they ever dreamed of, or nothing at all.

  Kaylie Jones

  February 2012

  PART I

  FAMILY VALUES

  GATE WAY TO THE STARS

  BY MATTHEW MCGEVNA

  Mastic Beach

  Great with fear, Nick was deliberate about getting out of his car just as the policeman had told him. The order came after Nick was ordered to cut the engine because the noise from his broken muffler was “waking up the neighbors.” It was seven p.m. Late January. Nick was just about to cross over the Jessup Lane Bridge, which led to Dune Road in Westhampton Beach, a strip of wealthy homes built on a barrier island. Nick knew that the gravelly sound of his muffler roaring past Main Street would draw the attention of the village cops. He had no delusions. Even if he’d somehow gotten over the bridge, he’d still have the bay constable to deal with. It wasn’t that he picked his poison—his poison had picked him. He’d seen the reflector strips on the doors of the cop car just as he rounded the tall hedgerow and he knew he was caught—no time to debate whether he should try to make for the bridge, before the lights spun suddenly behind him. They illuminated the interior of his car. He could practically read the e-mail he’d printed out—between his sixteen-year-old brother Jeffrey and the lowlife who’d invited him to his beach house. In the dead of winter, it wouldn’t be hard to narrow down the few houses with the lights still on inside, and fortunately “The Famous Mr. Ed” provided the address and a description of his house (which he warned Jeffrey he’d never find—buried as it was behind all the ivy and scrub pine). A white, circular observation tower rising from the roof where I do all my meth and meditation, he’d written. Thank you, Facebook. Nick was lucky Jeffrey was somewhat readable—lucky that he’d paid attention one day to Jeffrey’s favorite song, Janis Joplin’s “Summertime.” Nick was only half-listening.

  “One of these mornings, Nick, you’re gonna rise up singing,” he’d said.

  “By rise up, you mean OD and choke on my puke?” Nick remembered joking.

  But Jeffrey shot off, “You don’t get it,” before he could detect Nick’s humor. Trying to have one of those brotherly moments.

  Earlier tonight, somehow Nick had remembered this, and with his mother sobbing in the other room, he went on Facebook and tried to hack into Jeffrey’s account, using any variation of Joplin’s song he could think of, before finally getting in with RISEUP. He’d gone straight to Jeffrey’s inbox and found two messages. One from their father. It had been awhile, but Nick recognized the shape of his own mouth in his father’s profile pic and shook his head in disbelief. Dad wasn’t on Jeffrey’s “friends” list, but there was a message waiting nonetheless, and the photo was an old one, from back when their father still lived with them. Back when he was a fairly quiet spectator, moving when Nick’s mother told him to move, remaining still when it seemed best to do so. It was taken before his father finally muttered to Nick in the middle of the night that he’d measured out his life in coffee spoons, and then got into his truck and pulled out of the driveway.

  The note was brief but infuriating to Nick. How are you, where have you been, what’re you doing? For a moment Nick felt the urge to delete it. Instead, he rolled his eyes and moved on to the second message. Mr. Ed. Age: 16. Hometown: Oz.

  Quote: “Haytas only make me stronga.” The message to Jeffrey was written in the voice of God.

  Good and faithful servant Jeffrey. Thou willest visit the house of true Dionysian worship: the 1333rd house of Dune Road, and thou shalt participate in much celebration and mirth, and thou must see that it is good, when one ascends Jacob’s ladder to the observation tower, where I myself do all my meth and meditation …

  Douche bag. Nick printed the message and Googled the address. A photo of the house popped up in the search. From one of the local newspapers. It was a photo of two old men and an old woman. The caption read: Donna and Leonard Katzenberg donated $5,000 to Edward Schiffer’s charity at his home reception at 1333 Dune Road this weekend. Nick printed the article and read it while he drove out of Mastic Beach.

  Edward Shiffer, the Famous Mr. Ed, hadn’t seen sixteen since 1970. An investment broker who owned a string of hotels. Nick had no idea what he was going to do when he got there, but before he even found his keys and told his mother he was bringing Jeffrey home, he’d grabbed his old Ken Griffey Jr. Rawlings bat—thirty-two ounces, and cherry-stained, with dings in the barrel from hitting rocks when he was younger. As he read the article he began to form in his mind exactly what he wanted to do, but probably wouldn’t. At the very least, the bat just might scare Ed Shiffer enough into getting facedown and not moving until he and Jeffrey were gone.

  It was never going to work, Nick thought, and getting pulled over just before he crossed the bridge didn’t come without a little bit of relief. Perhaps he’d get the cop to do something legal. A little less violent. Something that might get Jeffrey some help and nab a pervert at the same time.

  But the conversation got off to a bad start. The moment Nick said good evening, the cop said, “Stick your good evenings, give me your license and registration,” which Nick had at the ready. The cop took them. Said nothing until a smile of disbelief washed across his face and he shook his head. “How did I know you were from Mistake Beach?” he said. Nick said nothing. “I’m from there originally,” the cop added.

  Nick said, “Oh yeah?” and the cop looked at him suddenly.

  “Originally,” he repeated. “Pineway.”

  “I’m on Mayfield,” Nick said, though he knew the cop had his license and could read. The cop gave him another look, as if to close the gap of familiarity.

  “Are you bragging or complaining about that? Hope you’r
e complaining.”

  “What?”

  “All right, step out of the car,” the cop said, backing away from his door. He tucked Nick’s information into his front pocket. Nick tried to ask him what he was stopped for, but the cop barked his order again and it startled him. Then he told him to cut the engine—that he was waking the neighbors— and, for the third time, to step out of the car.

  “I know it’s not the quietest muffler,” Nick said when he got out, but the cop cut him off by nudging him back against the car.

  “It’s not just the muffler. You also got a broken taillight, and you got a sticker on your back window obstructing your view, and your insurance is a week expired.”

  “I didn’t notice all that.”

  “Of course you didn’t—just like every other kid from Mastic I stop out here. What are you doing here?”

  “My brother—”

  “You robbing houses?”

  “No, my brother—”

  “What about your brother?”

  “My brother has been missing for the past two days, and I think he’s up in a house on Dune Road.”

  “Why would he be there?”

  “He’s got a drug problem.”

  “Are you bragging or complaining about that?”

  Nick paused. “I guess I’m complaining,” he said.

  “Well, complain to your psychiatrist, not to me. Okay, what’s the rest of your bullshit story?”

  “It’s not bullshit, there’s a guy on Dune Road who met him over the Internet and invited him to a drug party. Look, I’ll show you the e-mail.” Without asking permission, he turned and ducked through the open window of the driver’s side door. He felt a sudden force yank him back, and he was instantly on the ground with a knee in his ribs.

  “You looking to get shot!” the cop screamed. “You never reach into your car like that—what are you reaching for?” The cop jerked him up off the ground and slammed him on the trunk. Nick yelled that he was sorry, but the cop told him to stick his sorries; to keep his palms and his right cheek down on the trunk. Then he went around to the passenger’s side of Nick’s car and yanked the door open. He grabbed the papers, including the e-mail. Stuffing them into his back pocket, he ripped open the glove box and pulled everything out. He moved to the seat cushions, the door pockets, and ran his hands under the seat.